LTF | Forbidden Grief and Transformation

Intro: 00:00:05

Welcome to Loving the F. I'm Melissa Allison, and this is the podcast that looks at the forbidden and says, hey, baby.

I talk to a new guest each week and examine the who, what, when, where, and why of all things forbidden. So join me, especially if it's forbidden. Hello. Theresa McBride. I can't thank you enough for participating in my inaugural. Would that be right.

Inaugural podcast. Because it's going to be weekly, so that doesn't make any sense, but thank you so much for joining me for this launch of Loving the F. I.

When we were talking the other night about.

Melissa Allison: 00:00:48

Well, first, let's just say who you are, Trisa McBride.

Melissa Allison: 00:00:53

Yeah. Okay, so this is what I love about Trisa is she is fearless. You are so fearless. I am still. And I.

I am so inspired by the fact that you have never traveled abroad anywhere, and you just returned from a two-week trip to Thailand alone, like on your own. It's like you go from 0 to 160 in nothing flat. And. And that's not the only thing. I mean, you are an entrepreneur. You're a business advisor.

Consultant. What would you call it?

Melissa Allison: 00:01:27

Consultant.

Melissa Allison: 00:01:29

And. And is it okay if we talk about your son? Okay.

So when your son James passed away from an accidental overdose three months later, you quit your job and you started creating a center in memory of him. Do you want to talk about that for a second?

Trisa McBride: 00:01:48

Sure. You know, it's. It's hard to predict what. What you're gonna feel like after you lose a child.

And for me, and there's a lot of reasons that I did it, one of them is because it literally felt like my world disappeared and I didn't have any. I don't know, it's hard to explain what that abyss feels like and looks like and that. Because I have felt abysses before, but this was.

It felt like my life was no more. Like I didn't have a world. And so I knew that I needed to create something. So that was part of the drive was I just.

I needed to do something because I wasn't going to be able to keep doing what I'd done in the past. My world had changed. And my son also talked all the time. You know, he suffered with severe depression, severe anxiety. And his.

The one thing that brought him peace and would turn the light back on for him was when he would talk about how he wanted to help other people. He knew there was a purpose. I think having a purpose is vital. That is really important to have a purpose.

And for him, that was his purpose, was to be able to make A difference for the people that suffered, because he suffered enough that he knew what suffering was. He did not want anyone else to suffer. Genuinely did not want that to happen. He was a very loving, beautiful soul. And so I, you know, it really.

A combination of those two things and just also knowing that I had the next step in front of me, and I just. I quit my job because knew I would not be able to do both. It would just have been another pipe dream if I had tried to do both. And I was right.

I didn't know at the time how much that would take to put. To get that center open, you know, in the next. In the next nine months. I guess it was about seven months at that point.

Melissa Allison: 00:03:53

Six months.

Trisa McBride: 00:03:54

Yes. He died at the end of October. I started working on it full time the first of the year, and it was. We opened July 1st.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:03

Yeah.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:04

So it wasn't very long.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:05

Yeah. I mean, and to just do that, I mean, forget that you quit your job and took that leap of faith to create that in that time period.

That's unheard of in the industry.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:16

Yeah.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:17

So it is miraculous on so many levels. And that was how many years ago? Four years ago.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:22

It'll be four years this, this October that he passed.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:25

Yeah.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:26

And a little over three years, so.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:30

And how many kids have you guys? I mean, you've had to already expand and do all these amazing things.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:35

Yes. Yeah, we have grown quite a bit and we've. We opened. We have three spaces now in the same building, but we have about tripled.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:49

Yeah. So congratulations again on that.

Trisa McBride: 00:04:52

Thank you. Thank you.

Melissa Allison: 00:04:54

So you're this incredible woman that obviously has not had a smooth sailing life. You know, it's been tumultuous at its best, you know. And you have other children that you still are. We're never done raising them.

I don't think they're all adults, but.

Trisa McBride: 00:05:13

They are still my kids.

Melissa Allison: 00:05:14

Yes. So. But the thing that I love about you and the thing that I'm excited about this podcast is Loving the F is about redefining the forbidden.

And people so often mistake the very thing that is calling to them as a burning building. It's like, I can't, I can't. It's too dangerous. I'll be a fool, you know, whatever the excuses are that runs through their mind.

But my experience is, is that it's the very thing calling us to appealing to our higher self, saying, come to me, because it's going to take you that much closer to, you know, the person that you want to be that you secretly hope you possess inside and.

Trisa McBride: 00:05:58

That you actually are.

Melissa Allison: 00:06:00

Yeah. Yeah. And so what do you. Because obviously you don't have a problem.

I mean, I'm sure you do somewhere in your life, but when it comes to world travel, quitting your job and just taking a leap, you know, to do something you believe in, what. What do you think it is that people that stops. That them from doing it from moving forward?

Trisa McBride: 00:06:22

You know, there's probably a lot of different answers to that question, but if I just had to say the most. To me, what is the most obvious is I think we all have a very powerful knowing.

And when we hear something, often we know we just have a knowing, some, some kind of connection to that before our head kicks in, before our head starts telling us all the reasons why we can't.

All the things that could go wrong, all the other, all the, you know, it goes back in your history and pulls up every file and every time you've ever been embarrassed and failed and tells you this is that. And then we connect to that as opposed to that part of us that just knows that knew for that moment.

And then we stopped listening and we went for what was said.

Melissa Allison: 00:07:12

Yeah, like Mel Robbins book "The Five-Second Rule." Yeah, it's, you know, she says if you don't act on it in the first five seconds, you'll start talking yourself out of it.

Trisa McBride: 00:07:20

Right.

Melissa Allison: 00:07:21

And you know, for me it's been. I didn't start on this journey like early on when I was young. I thought, oh, I'm too young to do it. And then it's like, oh, I'm.

I'm too tall to do it. I'm too something or not enough. And.

And now, you know, it's like, oh, it's too late, you know, and so it's like, when is it the right time and under what circumstances? Because the lights are never all green.

Trisa McBride: 00:07:49

Right.

Melissa Allison: 00:07:50

So what do you do for yourself? Like how. How does it show up for you and how do you move past it?

Trisa McBride: 00:07:59

You know, I don't always move past it, to be honest.

Melissa Allison: 00:08:03

I love that. Be honest.

Trisa McBride: 00:08:05

My, you know, I, I've been stopped many times in different things, but I have a very deep belief that. Well, I think part of my nature is I'm just an adventurous person. And I had something happen a few years ago.

It was actually on my son's birthday, like two years after he passed. I wanted to do something fun with my kids. And so I decided we would all go and paddle board down the Provo River.

And so his birthday came and they all chickened out on me, which I had a feeling they would. But I, you know, it was his birthday and I, and I wanted to do it, so I went up and I got on the river. And the thing is, I'm. I am terrified of water.

I really am. I love water and I'm so terrified of it. So I'm paddle boarding down a river.

And it was, there were several moments that I literally thought I was gonna die. I was so terrified, I fell in the water. I couldn't get out. I'm, you know, it was, it was very scary.

And I went back three days later because that fear that I had, there was something about that experience that of being in a situation that, that was, that took that much pushing outside my comfort zone. I don't know what happened, but it, it expanded. It changed the way I saw the world. Like, I literally felt different.

I felt like I could see more clearly, like colors were brighter.

Melissa Allison: 00:09:40

There's something about almost dying near death.

Trisa McBride: 00:09:43

Yeah. Really makes you love life. And, and you know, I, I just think, think there's a human need, literally a need that we have to grow.

We need, we are evolving and our spirits need to evolve. In order to do that, we have to go outside of our comfort zones. We cannot do it with inside of our comfort zones. And there's such amazing.

You know, we talk about people that are risky and that do brave, daring things. It's like if you haven't, you might not know what you're missing.

But there is just so much something about pushing outside that comfort zone and expanding that comfort zone that it's like a life energy. And suddenly you, you know, it's. I mean, I think it's probably one of the best solutions to anxiety that there can be.

Melissa Allison: 00:10:37

Right.

Trisa McBride: 00:10:38

Like it pulls in a life energy and it expands your confidence and your understanding of your own power.

Melissa Allison: 00:10:46

And it's like your spiritual lungs expand when you do that. And I remember being young and married, I was so worried. I thought, oh, what am I going to do?

And my husband hits 40 and has a midlife crisis and wants to buy a Corvette and leave me for some 20 year old. You know, that's what's going on in my mind. I thought that would be him because we so often hear about men going through that and.

But it was me that went through that midlife crisis of sorts.

And I have this theory that it's not a gender thing, but that it's when we are not living our authentic life, when we are trying to fit into the person that everybody else wants us to be.

And I know for myself, I trusted everybody else and their opinion about who I should be, what I should do, how I should feel, not trusting my own gut. And I know for a fact that's how I got to that place in my life. And so I think people are derailed.

It's like you hit 40, 45, whatever, and you realize you're not immortal. You are going to get older, you only have so much time left and what are you going to do with it?

And if I could go back to my 20 year old self, who knows what my life would look like. But I can't do that.

I'm glad for my lessons, but have you ever had moments like that where you're just like realizing, you know, for whatever time period it was, that that wasn't yourself? And what excuses did you come up with to make that tolerable?

Trisa McBride: 00:12:35

Oh boy. I'm sure I've had just describe a good portion of my life.

Honestly, I think that, you know, I've been in situations many times in my life, in a marriage, you know, situations with family that have felt very limiting and confining and not really honoring of me. And I think that, I think we find that in our world. I mean, we live in a world where people are seeing mirrors of themselves everywhere they go.

And so it's really, you really have to claim your own space, your own. You gotta stake your claim as to who you are.

Because I think it's human nature to want to be accepted, to want to be, you know, make other people happy, to want to, to go with the flow. And it's really easy to lose yourself in that.

Really easy to get really comfortable and get really bored and, and just totally lose who you really are. That's really easy to do or come up with something that you think, you know, invent something that feels comfortable and, and it's. Yeah.

Melissa Allison: 00:13:57

So you work with teenagers?

Trisa McBride: 00:13:59

I do.

Melissa Allison: 00:13:59

And who are in crisis.

Trisa McBride: 00:14:01

Yes.

Melissa Allison: 00:14:02

And I remember the first time I actually met you, I was coming to interview you about the facility and I walked in and you were barefoot, surrounded by a bunch of teenagers, and you were talking about music and they were all sharing music, what it means to them. And it was really moving for me to watch. I mean, you're just running your business, but what have you learned from those experiences?

I mean, I'm guessing that the more that they can embrace themselves, the more that they can assert themselves as individuals, that that helps move them. But I could be completely wrong. But do you know What I'm talking about. About.

Trisa McBride: 00:14:45

Well, yes, I think knowing who I am or you are, you know, for everyone, knowing who they are is. And just being able to connect to that truth about who you are. And that is. I mean, that's key, to know who you are and to know, you know, what your.

What your purpose is. I mean, it comes really back to purpose, what your gifts are. And I think the world.

You know, there's so much in this world right now that we think shows us who we are, that we fit into this, to. Into just kind of what happens. If we're just going with the flow, we just kind of, you know, who is our family? What are they telling us?

What is that like? What are we learning on social media? What are we. How are we deciding what things mean in our life as they show up? What does that mean about who I am?

It's really easy to lose that. And that is one thing that we work with, with our kids is giving them experiences of themselves that they had not had before.

You know, just putting them in situations that they. If they had known they would be doing this when they. Before they came in the center, they might not have wanted to come, and they probably.

They probably didn't anyway. But that's not true.

Melissa Allison: 00:16:01

We know it.

Trisa McBride: 00:16:02

You know, going into treatment is scary. You know, so not all the kids are excited about coming in, but sometimes they are.

But once they have these experiences where they're pushed outside their comfort zone, they're doing things they did not know that they could do, they had never done, that they would have never offered to do, that they suddenly their world expands and their sense of self expands, and suddenly they know that they can do something that's hard.

That's something that, you know, when we have our graduations and our kids, we have a ceremony that we do when they graduate, and that's something that I've heard a lot, which is, I didn't know I could do hard things, and now I know it. And the confidence that comes from that of knowing they can do something they didn't know they could do, that's really hard. Like, it's beautiful.

That is. That is a very touching thing to see.

To see that confidence and that power come back when they know they can do something they didn't know they could do.

Melissa Allison: 00:16:57

Yeah. And that comes back to loving the forbidden or redefining the forbidden. Loving the F is.

I mean, that's the thing that I want to get across, is that that thing that scares you that is, like, makes you stop in your tracks, whether it's approaching somebody socially or professionally or making those cold calls, or starting working out at the gym or asking that person out on a date or taking the dance class, taking a canoeing class, you know, whatever it is that experience that stops you, that. That's the very thing that's, like, the prescription for your life. To create that expansion and to broaden your comfort zone.

Trisa McBride: 00:17:44

Yes, exactly.

Melissa Allison: 00:17:47

Yeah. And so. So, yeah. So I just. I'm excited about this podcast, and I am excited about talking to people like you.

In fact, you've agreed to come back monthly and. Because this is a weekly podcast and you've agreed to let me talk to you monthly.

Trisa McBride: 00:18:04

Yes.

Melissa Allison: 00:18:04

To check in, and we'll just recap everything and. But it's. You know, I have high hopes for this.

I think it's gonna be a great experience, and I hope that the listeners get as much out of it as I hope to put into it.

Trisa McBride: 00:18:23

You know, I think it is a beautiful topic, you know, just connecting to that brave, adventurous part of ourselves that we might have denied ourselves experiences.

And that's not to say, you know, I mean, there's things that we should do, things that might not be as good of an idea like the Night app, but trusting your gut.

And even if you do something and it doesn't work out the way you want it to, and that is a very real likelihood in a lot of things that we do, that's okay.

Melissa Allison: 00:18:59

Like being okay.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:00

Being uncomfortable. Being okay with things not working out the way your mind or your brain told you it should do.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:04

Right.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:04

What is in that?

Melissa Allison: 00:19:05

Because it's not always. It's not always tied up in a pretty bow.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:09

No.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:10

I mean, sometimes you have to go through the mud and sludge to get to the other side, where there's that pot of gold.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:16

Yeah. But it's worth it. Yeah, it is so worth it.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:19

Yeah, I agree.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:20

Yeah, I agree.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:21

I mean, in retrospect. Retrospect, looking back, you know, through my own personal experiences, and I know you'll agree, it's like you can see the reason for.

For that rough time.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:33

Oh, yes. You know, most definitely.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:35

And it's not just being stronger. I mean, that's. That's a given. If you've gotten to the other side, you are stronger.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:43

Yes.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:43

But if you allow it to, it can transform your life.

Trisa McBride: 00:19:46

Yeah. There's many more gifts in it than that.

Melissa Allison: 00:19:49

Yeah. Anything. I feel like I should have, like, a closing question that I ask everybody at the end of the. At the end of the interview. Something Like.

Oh, I know. Okay. Tell me something forbidden in your life that you enjoy.

Trisa McBride: 00:20:09

Oh, boy. Something forbidden.

Melissa Allison: 00:20:13

Something. Yeah. That you viewed as forbidden. But now it's. It's yummy.

Trisa McBride: 00:20:18

Sour gummy worms?

Melissa Allison: 00:20:22

Only if you're a dentist.

Trisa McBride: 00:20:28

I do love those. Okay. I believe that one. The one thing I would say, and I'm not even sure how to put this, because I.

You know, for me, it would be making difficult decisions that I know are right and that no one else is going to know is right in my circle.

Melissa Allison: 00:20:51

So it's being courageous.

Trisa McBride: 00:20:52

Being courageous and being able to do what I know is right.

Melissa Allison: 00:20:56

Yeah. That's a quality skill to have.

Trisa McBride: 00:21:01

Yeah. It's a tough one, but, you know, life is so valuable. It's such a priceless. It's just so priceless.

And it's so important that when you really know that something is right and you know, or when I. When I know that something is right, no matter how difficult it is, I just get to do it. I just get to do it. And that's really how. The only way.

That is the way I've gotten pretty much everything in my life that has any value.

Melissa Allison: 00:21:38

It's just doing.

Trisa McBride: 00:21:39

It's by just doing it.

Melissa Allison: 00:21:40

Yeah.

Trisa McBride: 00:21:41

No matter what. No matter how many people tell you I'm.

Tell me I'm crazy or disagree with me, I just know if I know something, if I absolutely know to the core that that is part of my purpose and that is my path, I have an obligation.

Melissa Allison: 00:21:57

Yeah. That's good.

Trisa McBride: 00:22:01

So I say that.

Melissa Allison: 00:22:05

Well, thank you so much. I really have enjoyed this conversation.

Trisa McBride: 00:22:09

And me, too.

Melissa Allison: 00:22:10

We'll be doing it again next month.

Trisa McBride: 00:22:12

I'm excited. Can't wait. Thank you.

Melissa Allison: 00:22:21

You've been listening to Loving DF I'm Alyssa Allison, and I hope you'll join me again next.